Story 8

The Tragicomedy of Kohno Moronao: A Shogun's Misadventures in Love and Power

In the annals of history, Kohno Moronao, the esteemed right-hand man of the 14th-century Shogun, shone as a beacon of trustworthiness. Yet, alas, when it came to matters of the heart, he was as reliable as a leaky teapot. 😫

As the illustrious Number 2, Moronao wielded his power with the finesse of a bull in a china shop. He had a penchant for persuading every captivating woman who crossed his path, even those bound by the sacred bonds of matrimony, to share his company. Today, we shall explore how this colossal nincompoop met his match. 😂

One fateful day, Moronao caught wind that one of his subordinates was wedded to a truly exquisite lady. This, naturally, piqued his interest.

In an era when poetic letters, masterfully penned with exquisite calligraphy, were the key to winning hearts, Moronao knew he couldn't afford to bungle it. He spared no expense, enlisting the services of a best-selling writer to craft a love letter that would make angels weep. He lit up the most extravagant incense, allowing the fragrant fumes to infuse his heartfelt missive. With bated breath, he dispatched his courier to deliver this masterpiece to the beautiful wife of his subordinate. 😤

However, upon learning of the sender, the wife promptly tossed the letter aside, not even deigning to glance at its contents. 😂

Incensed by the lack of response, Moronao concocted a devious scheme against his hapless subordinate, deploying troops to obliterate the entire family. What an absolute fruitcake!

Time marched on, and following a series of unfortunate battles that led to the Shogun and Moronao's defeat, it was decided that Moronao should retire to the life of a humble monk.

But as he embarked on his journey toward the temple of his impending exile, Moronao found himself ambushed by a band of samurai, who promptly relieved him of his noggin. His lifeless form was discarded into a nearby river because, well, let's face it, he was no lightweight. 😂

Centuries later, his moronic escapades were immortalized in Kabuki theater, and the performance was a resounding success. Despite his undeniable political and martial prowess, Moronao's legacy endures as that of the one and only Mr. Moron. 😌

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Woodblock print of Kohno Moronao by UTAGAWA Kunisada (1786 - 1865)

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